As Queen would say, Under Pressure

It has become ever apparent that my father would like to see me married with children. The thing is he never directly pressures me but uses comments like "That baby's cute. Can't wait until I have some grandbabies."Of course this does nothing but make me feel like I have failed my family in some way!

Yes, I am single at 27 and you were married with one child who was 7 and awaiting the birth of your second.

But I could not have been a parent or wife earlier. Actually it hasn't been until the last couple years that I have even given marriage & children a second thought. I was engaged once before to someone that I knew it wouldn't work with, no matter how hard I told everyone it would. I was far too selfish and unsure of myself to even think about taking care of a husband and children! I was busy travelling and moving all over the midwest & eastern seaboard. I needed to go out and figure out what I wanted out of life. Funny enough, I mostly found out what I would and would not take from a partner.

My mother is a little more relaxed with the comments and slight nudging. She's a florist so weddings are an everyday thing for her. Yes, she would like to see her oldest daughter married and happy, but she knows that marriage isn't going to define me as a person.

Now the worst day of the week is Sunday, the channel WE has bridal shows on all day. I spend my Sundays thinking about what I would like to have and what kind of budget is realistic. Budget is something my sister and I talk about only because our parents will be footing the bill as long as we don't live with someone before we are married. I know it's a tad hard to do and a deal breaker for some, but thus far I have done a great job at keeping that promise!

It's sad to admit all of this, but I know that somehow it will help me in my mission to reaching all of my goals this year. No, that does not mean I am on a husband hunt, but I am not blocking out that possibility of finding someone.

I adore taking care of my family & friends. I know that one day I will make an excellent wife and mother. I am more ready than ever and looking forward to that time in my life. We are a very close family and I have seen what a successful partnership in marriage looks like.

Re-organizing

Thursday started with me cursing the little bit of sun that was peeking through my suburban Ohio windows. I had no desire to get up for the day, there was too much to do an not enough coffee in the world was going to help that.

First thing I had to do was pick up my 19 year-old sister from her classes at the local community college. All I kept thinking the whole 5 minute drive there was that I in no way, shape, or form wanted to run into my ex that just so happens to go there too. I of course had no makeup on, and quite honestly I barely got out of my jammies.

I don't do mornings well at all, especially when I have to cart around my little sister who eats sunshine and craps rainbows!
After picking her up and getting some much needed coffee (hallelujah!) I was feeling a little better. We had some cleaning up to do, mostly because my father has decided to tear out a 12 foot wall that used to separate our kitchen from what was the den. There is dust and plaster everywhere! I am constanly sweeping and mopping trying to cut down on the funk of it all.

Once we were done with that I figured it wouldn't hurt to check on an online dating profile I had posted quite a while ago. Now, I am not one to use an online dating profile I have to pay for, no eHarmony for me! It feels a little too much like being a hooker without the guarantee of sex and no money going into my wallet. So, I gussied up the profile with a new picture and some edits. It was my way of looking for a date & still being a shut-in :)
After getting a random text from someone I've never met calling me a "bitch ass nigga" I figured it was high time to stay away from all electronics for a while.

Somehow in my tiny town I have been spoken about in hushed tones to all of the gay high school boys. I am now officially "The Gay Whisperer". They come to me with all of life's problems from what label they fall under to what Cher song is the best! The only reason I can ever come up with is that I was a theatre major in college with a ton of gay friends and am quite the hag, if I do say so myself! So of course I had to comfort a confused & frustrated young(16years old) out gay man. I'm pretty sure in all of my advice and whatnot I quoted Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" at least 3 times.
In a ruse to distract him and get to indulge in one of my favorite guilty pleasures I turned on True Blood and all was well in the world again! After 4 hours of vampires running around fighting stupid humans and getting it on, I was feeling all sorts of happy.

Mostly it was a good day. In my attempt to get this year to be a little more organized I purchased my first day planner. Of all the things I vowed to never buy, a day planner was at the top of the list! Now I'm going to be one of those people, always checking a planner and jotting things down. Who knows how this little experiment will go, but here's hoping it helps in all of the goals I am trying to achieve this year!

Love & Logic
Belle

First off...

I should introduce myself. I'm a 27 year-old who has had to move back in with my parents due to the ecomnomy. Hooray!

It's not as bad as it sounds really. I enjoy being with my family, but come on! I've desided to make 2010 a year of things I've never done before. Making a daily blog is part of that. The rest of the list is as follows:

*Go on dates! (I haven't been on a date in like 3 years. boo)
*Give people a chance to change my mind.
*Possibly publish some poems
*Be more outgoing. (yeah, I'm knida a shut-in due to not working)
*Create more art
*Be honest to everyone

By reading and/or subscribing to this you get to be apart of this, maybe I'll even take opinions and advice, along with giving some.

Love & Logic
Belle