Just so you know, I am aware that I don't post enough.
On that note, I do have to say that not only have I been too busy for words, but lots of things have been pinging around in my head.
Oh, I no longer go by Belle anymore, just Brittany. I have to be true to myself, no matter what the cost!
Work has been picking up majorly, I am hoping that means I will start getting paid on the regular. I know that I was ok with it at first as a way to help out the family, but honestly, it has gotten harder over the year. I really would love to be able to live alone or with my sister (as a roommate & not a babysitter) but things seemed to have changed on that front. Not only have paychecks been hard to come by unless we have a small bundle of cash show up for some reason, but my sister has decided she wants to live with her girlfriend.
That's right, GIRLFRIEND... Believe me I was shocked as hell when she dropped that bombshell on us! But we have gotten use to the idea, if only her companion wasn't such a selfish child. I have never seen my sister so sad and upset in her whole life. It really is hard to see her always melancholy because someone is treating her in a way that she's not happy with, but let alone another girl who should know how a lady should be treated. But I digress.
I have started to have these dreams of my future. The whole shebang, kids, husband, house, pets.. I have to believe that the dreams are some way of showing me what I am trying so hard to get. I am now taking better care of myself diet wise, i meditate every night again to get myself centered & I am drinking a new herbal tea call Fertilitea. It's supposed to get my body regulated in proper cycles so I can conceive. So far I haven't seen any results, but it's been less than a month. At least the tea is tasty! Something I learned recently is that if you aren't having a normal cycle you won't attract a partner, because you aren't producing pharmones. So, here's to keeping my fingers crossed!!
I have an amazing group of friends who are supportive, as far as they can be. A girl has to keep her secrets, so I can't share everything. I would hate for them to treat me like a leper because of my envy of their lives full of kids, husbands, & chaos that I would so love to have. The other day I saw a pregnant teenager, maybe 16 walking down the street & I had to suppress the urge to kidnap her and adopt her baby! I know that sounds insane, but it wasn't out of a mean place. I just knew that I could give that baby so much more than that teenager could. It's such a lonely & sad place to be. I suffer in silence everyday because no one I know can ever understand.
On a completely different note, I am thinking it's time to take up more crafting & home interior projects. It will keep my mind busy & possibly be stuff I can sell at the flower shop.
Love & Blooms,
Brittany
