Comfortably Numb

So things have become too easy for me. I hate to not have anything to do.

It's so easy to become settled and comfy in my life. I still haven't found a job, I still live with my family, & I haven't put myself out there to even meet people. It's so easy to get in that slump and not think anything of it. I always end up even more cynical than I was before. I was never a glass half-full kind of person, but if I don't put myself out there it is SO much easier to roll my eyes and laugh at everyone else who has someone.

The truth is, I hold onto the past like I might disappear! I hold onto pieces of my former relationships because I am afraid of forgetting how they did make me happy(when that actually happened & I wasn't crying). If I forget those I have loved (1 for sure) then I might forget who I was when I was in love. It's really quiet sad, but it's the truth.

For some reason I am feeling very sensitive today. Perhaps it's because I saw one of my ex's with his wife and it was all I could do NOT to drive through the Wendy's dining room and run them over! When we dated I was under the impression that they were getting a divorce and that it was over. Silly me, I trusted him!!

Such is life though and I know that there has to be someone that will be able to tell the truth to me no matter what. I also for some ungodly reason believe that someone will totally love me one day.

Of course, the baby talk is a constant reminder of how I am failing my family. My dad makes sure to do that on an almost daily basis. I'm half tempted to buy a crackhead's baby so he will leave me alone! I'm kidding of course, unless...Nah, crackbabies have too many medical problems!


Love & Logic
Belle

Just dip me in grease and sell me at KFC!

It's true.

I'm a chicken.

I've desided to skip on the audition I talked about in the last post. I am not nearly ready for something like that. I haven't even had anyone to practice with. It was an impulse to sign up. I now know there is just no way to be ready in time (this Sunday). Now I have to write that loser email saying I'm not doing it. I've got a few other things that are a little more important to worry about, I know that sounds terrible but it's true.

Instead I am going to make homemade Bailey's Irish Cream from the Cupcake Project (www.cupcakeproject.com). It looks yummy and I can't wait to get a batch made up and bottled for a few people. I think it will make a great St. Patty's Day gift! I am a big craft nerd so of course I will be making labels and tags to go on them.

Here's to hoping we have a great weekend!

Love & Logic
Belle

Once upon a time I was an actress. I started when I was in the 7th grade and fell in love!

I never felt more alive or scared while on stage. There is something about playing someone else for a couple hours that is so rewarding. I was a painfully shy child, and still have issues with shyness. So this was very therapeutic for me. I have been in plays, but musicals were where I really felt at peace. I love being on stage, but the auditions scare the living shit out of me!

I actually haven't done a show in a couple years, mostly due to my inability to stay put for too long. What can I say? I like to move!

After speaking to my best friend I set up an audition for a theater company he and I have both worked for. We actually were original cast members in an original play put on by this theater company. For some reason, we are both totally freaked out! I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. Usually I have months to prepare for an audition, but I only have 12 days! So basically I must find a piece of music to sing, and outfit to wear, a new head shot, and I probably should dye my hair. I have a world of things to do an I feel like I've got no time at all!

I am going to need loads of good vibes sent my way for my nerves to settle..

Love & Logic
Belle