So things have become too easy for me. I hate to not have anything to do.
It's so easy to become settled and comfy in my life. I still haven't found a job, I still live with my family, & I haven't put myself out there to even meet people. It's so easy to get in that slump and not think anything of it. I always end up even more cynical than I was before. I was never a glass half-full kind of person, but if I don't put myself out there it is SO much easier to roll my eyes and laugh at everyone else who has someone.
The truth is, I hold onto the past like I might disappear! I hold onto pieces of my former relationships because I am afraid of forgetting how they did make me happy(when that actually happened & I wasn't crying). If I forget those I have loved (1 for sure) then I might forget who I was when I was in love. It's really quiet sad, but it's the truth.
For some reason I am feeling very sensitive today. Perhaps it's because I saw one of my ex's with his wife and it was all I could do NOT to drive through the Wendy's dining room and run them over! When we dated I was under the impression that they were getting a divorce and that it was over. Silly me, I trusted him!!
Such is life though and I know that there has to be someone that will be able to tell the truth to me no matter what. I also for some ungodly reason believe that someone will totally love me one day.
Of course, the baby talk is a constant reminder of how I am failing my family. My dad makes sure to do that on an almost daily basis. I'm half tempted to buy a crackhead's baby so he will leave me alone! I'm kidding of course, unless...Nah, crackbabies have too many medical problems!
Love & Logic
Belle
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