On vacation in Florida! Having a blast seeing an old friend..
love & logic
Belle
Monday, April 19, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Comfortably Numb
So things have become too easy for me. I hate to not have anything to do.
It's so easy to become settled and comfy in my life. I still haven't found a job, I still live with my family, & I haven't put myself out there to even meet people. It's so easy to get in that slump and not think anything of it. I always end up even more cynical than I was before. I was never a glass half-full kind of person, but if I don't put myself out there it is SO much easier to roll my eyes and laugh at everyone else who has someone.
The truth is, I hold onto the past like I might disappear! I hold onto pieces of my former relationships because I am afraid of forgetting how they did make me happy(when that actually happened & I wasn't crying). If I forget those I have loved (1 for sure) then I might forget who I was when I was in love. It's really quiet sad, but it's the truth.
For some reason I am feeling very sensitive today. Perhaps it's because I saw one of my ex's with his wife and it was all I could do NOT to drive through the Wendy's dining room and run them over! When we dated I was under the impression that they were getting a divorce and that it was over. Silly me, I trusted him!!
Such is life though and I know that there has to be someone that will be able to tell the truth to me no matter what. I also for some ungodly reason believe that someone will totally love me one day.
Of course, the baby talk is a constant reminder of how I am failing my family. My dad makes sure to do that on an almost daily basis. I'm half tempted to buy a crackhead's baby so he will leave me alone! I'm kidding of course, unless...Nah, crackbabies have too many medical problems!
Love & Logic
Belle
It's so easy to become settled and comfy in my life. I still haven't found a job, I still live with my family, & I haven't put myself out there to even meet people. It's so easy to get in that slump and not think anything of it. I always end up even more cynical than I was before. I was never a glass half-full kind of person, but if I don't put myself out there it is SO much easier to roll my eyes and laugh at everyone else who has someone.
The truth is, I hold onto the past like I might disappear! I hold onto pieces of my former relationships because I am afraid of forgetting how they did make me happy(when that actually happened & I wasn't crying). If I forget those I have loved (1 for sure) then I might forget who I was when I was in love. It's really quiet sad, but it's the truth.
For some reason I am feeling very sensitive today. Perhaps it's because I saw one of my ex's with his wife and it was all I could do NOT to drive through the Wendy's dining room and run them over! When we dated I was under the impression that they were getting a divorce and that it was over. Silly me, I trusted him!!
Such is life though and I know that there has to be someone that will be able to tell the truth to me no matter what. I also for some ungodly reason believe that someone will totally love me one day.
Of course, the baby talk is a constant reminder of how I am failing my family. My dad makes sure to do that on an almost daily basis. I'm half tempted to buy a crackhead's baby so he will leave me alone! I'm kidding of course, unless...Nah, crackbabies have too many medical problems!
Love & Logic
Belle
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Just dip me in grease and sell me at KFC!
It's true.
I'm a chicken.
I've desided to skip on the audition I talked about in the last post. I am not nearly ready for something like that. I haven't even had anyone to practice with. It was an impulse to sign up. I now know there is just no way to be ready in time (this Sunday). Now I have to write that loser email saying I'm not doing it. I've got a few other things that are a little more important to worry about, I know that sounds terrible but it's true.
Instead I am going to make homemade Bailey's Irish Cream from the Cupcake Project (www.cupcakeproject.com). It looks yummy and I can't wait to get a batch made up and bottled for a few people. I think it will make a great St. Patty's Day gift! I am a big craft nerd so of course I will be making labels and tags to go on them.
Here's to hoping we have a great weekend!
Love & Logic
Belle
I'm a chicken.
I've desided to skip on the audition I talked about in the last post. I am not nearly ready for something like that. I haven't even had anyone to practice with. It was an impulse to sign up. I now know there is just no way to be ready in time (this Sunday). Now I have to write that loser email saying I'm not doing it. I've got a few other things that are a little more important to worry about, I know that sounds terrible but it's true.
Instead I am going to make homemade Bailey's Irish Cream from the Cupcake Project (www.cupcakeproject.com). It looks yummy and I can't wait to get a batch made up and bottled for a few people. I think it will make a great St. Patty's Day gift! I am a big craft nerd so of course I will be making labels and tags to go on them.
Here's to hoping we have a great weekend!
Love & Logic
Belle
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Once upon a time I was an actress. I started when I was in the 7th grade and fell in love!
I never felt more alive or scared while on stage. There is something about playing someone else for a couple hours that is so rewarding. I was a painfully shy child, and still have issues with shyness. So this was very therapeutic for me. I have been in plays, but musicals were where I really felt at peace. I love being on stage, but the auditions scare the living shit out of me!
I actually haven't done a show in a couple years, mostly due to my inability to stay put for too long. What can I say? I like to move!
After speaking to my best friend I set up an audition for a theater company he and I have both worked for. We actually were original cast members in an original play put on by this theater company. For some reason, we are both totally freaked out! I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. Usually I have months to prepare for an audition, but I only have 12 days! So basically I must find a piece of music to sing, and outfit to wear, a new head shot, and I probably should dye my hair. I have a world of things to do an I feel like I've got no time at all!
I am going to need loads of good vibes sent my way for my nerves to settle..
Love & Logic
Belle
I never felt more alive or scared while on stage. There is something about playing someone else for a couple hours that is so rewarding. I was a painfully shy child, and still have issues with shyness. So this was very therapeutic for me. I have been in plays, but musicals were where I really felt at peace. I love being on stage, but the auditions scare the living shit out of me!
I actually haven't done a show in a couple years, mostly due to my inability to stay put for too long. What can I say? I like to move!
After speaking to my best friend I set up an audition for a theater company he and I have both worked for. We actually were original cast members in an original play put on by this theater company. For some reason, we are both totally freaked out! I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. Usually I have months to prepare for an audition, but I only have 12 days! So basically I must find a piece of music to sing, and outfit to wear, a new head shot, and I probably should dye my hair. I have a world of things to do an I feel like I've got no time at all!
I am going to need loads of good vibes sent my way for my nerves to settle..
Love & Logic
Belle
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Suck it Maryland!
Last time I was talking about how I was somehow not getting my unemployment anymore. Of course this couldn't be considering I hadn't been on it nearly long enough to use all the moneys. I of course tried to get ahold of them for over a week. It was so crazy that an automated system would have a busy signal, but that was the case for 6 days. I finally got ahold of them and now everything is a-ok again!
On to Valentine's Day...
I am not one who celebrates this mockery of a holiday. But seeing as my mother is in the flower business I put in a couple days at the shop. I always have a great time helping on holidays, but this one is no fun. I can only sell so many bunches of roses before I want to vomit due to lack of imagination!
During deliveries I had a gun pulled on me! Yes, a for real gun! It wasn't the gun that scared me as much as the guy holding it. Just imagine a house in the country with at least 2 feet of snow in the driveway. I come pulling up in the shop van with a dozen roses in hand and a man wearing a wife beater with a denim shirt open over it, a ridiculously short pair of man's short shorts and tube socks! Then his herd of cats comes running out behind him, yes a herd, 15 of them in all. To top it off was the gun he was holding as if he was going to use it! Ah, yes it was a great day & thankfully it was the wrong house.
The lesson learned was to never deliver flowers for my mother!
Love & Logic
Belle
On to Valentine's Day...
I am not one who celebrates this mockery of a holiday. But seeing as my mother is in the flower business I put in a couple days at the shop. I always have a great time helping on holidays, but this one is no fun. I can only sell so many bunches of roses before I want to vomit due to lack of imagination!
During deliveries I had a gun pulled on me! Yes, a for real gun! It wasn't the gun that scared me as much as the guy holding it. Just imagine a house in the country with at least 2 feet of snow in the driveway. I come pulling up in the shop van with a dozen roses in hand and a man wearing a wife beater with a denim shirt open over it, a ridiculously short pair of man's short shorts and tube socks! Then his herd of cats comes running out behind him, yes a herd, 15 of them in all. To top it off was the gun he was holding as if he was going to use it! Ah, yes it was a great day & thankfully it was the wrong house.
The lesson learned was to never deliver flowers for my mother!
Love & Logic
Belle
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Panic Mode!
It appears that the Unemployment Benefits I have very comfortably lived off of for a little bit has either A. run out or B. Maryland is trying to give it to me hard core.
I am, of course am freaking out! It's to be expected when the money runs out and there are no job prospects in sight. I have no idea what I am going to do. There are a couple things I could do to make money while looking for a real job, but none of them could really pay that much unless I became totally enterprising. I have tons of ideas on lots of business ventures, but I don't have the credit or knowledge to get a business off the ground.
* Become a drug dealer (I'm not really keen on this one, mostly because I like to NOT break laws)
*Sell t-shirts & crafts that I have been making and designing (Must master the sewing machine first!)
*Sell all my stuff in storage(not something I would want to do)
The only thing on here that is promising is the shirts & crafts, there is only problem with this and that is that I have no idea where I would sell them or who to!
Considering I am mostly a procrastinator things are going to get interesting. Suggestions???
Love & Logic
Belle
I am, of course am freaking out! It's to be expected when the money runs out and there are no job prospects in sight. I have no idea what I am going to do. There are a couple things I could do to make money while looking for a real job, but none of them could really pay that much unless I became totally enterprising. I have tons of ideas on lots of business ventures, but I don't have the credit or knowledge to get a business off the ground.
* Become a drug dealer (I'm not really keen on this one, mostly because I like to NOT break laws)
*Sell t-shirts & crafts that I have been making and designing (Must master the sewing machine first!)
*Sell all my stuff in storage(not something I would want to do)
The only thing on here that is promising is the shirts & crafts, there is only problem with this and that is that I have no idea where I would sell them or who to!
Considering I am mostly a procrastinator things are going to get interesting. Suggestions???
Love & Logic
Belle
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