Just so you know, I am aware that I don't post enough.
On that note, I do have to say that not only have I been too busy for words, but lots of things have been pinging around in my head.
Oh, I no longer go by Belle anymore, just Brittany. I have to be true to myself, no matter what the cost!
Work has been picking up majorly, I am hoping that means I will start getting paid on the regular. I know that I was ok with it at first as a way to help out the family, but honestly, it has gotten harder over the year. I really would love to be able to live alone or with my sister (as a roommate & not a babysitter) but things seemed to have changed on that front. Not only have paychecks been hard to come by unless we have a small bundle of cash show up for some reason, but my sister has decided she wants to live with her girlfriend.
That's right, GIRLFRIEND... Believe me I was shocked as hell when she dropped that bombshell on us! But we have gotten use to the idea, if only her companion wasn't such a selfish child. I have never seen my sister so sad and upset in her whole life. It really is hard to see her always melancholy because someone is treating her in a way that she's not happy with, but let alone another girl who should know how a lady should be treated. But I digress.
I have started to have these dreams of my future. The whole shebang, kids, husband, house, pets.. I have to believe that the dreams are some way of showing me what I am trying so hard to get. I am now taking better care of myself diet wise, i meditate every night again to get myself centered & I am drinking a new herbal tea call Fertilitea. It's supposed to get my body regulated in proper cycles so I can conceive. So far I haven't seen any results, but it's been less than a month. At least the tea is tasty! Something I learned recently is that if you aren't having a normal cycle you won't attract a partner, because you aren't producing pharmones. So, here's to keeping my fingers crossed!!
I have an amazing group of friends who are supportive, as far as they can be. A girl has to keep her secrets, so I can't share everything. I would hate for them to treat me like a leper because of my envy of their lives full of kids, husbands, & chaos that I would so love to have. The other day I saw a pregnant teenager, maybe 16 walking down the street & I had to suppress the urge to kidnap her and adopt her baby! I know that sounds insane, but it wasn't out of a mean place. I just knew that I could give that baby so much more than that teenager could. It's such a lonely & sad place to be. I suffer in silence everyday because no one I know can ever understand.
On a completely different note, I am thinking it's time to take up more crafting & home interior projects. It will keep my mind busy & possibly be stuff I can sell at the flower shop.
Love & Blooms,
Brittany
Friday, July 22, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Baby-fever
Yeah, it's in full swing! I want to be a mommy, and not in that "One day I'll have a baby" way but as in I want one within the next 2 1/2 years.
I know it seems crazy to have a timeline, but I want to have a child by the time I'm 30. I don't want to run into the high risks that happen when a women reaches later ages, and I want to be reasonably young with a child.
Anymore it's hard for me to go places where there might be children, I even avoided an event this weekend with my family and friends so that I didn't have to be bombarded by the little ones.
When I see babies and little kids I get this pain in my heart. A little cuddly person who's all mine would be fantastic! I know that I would be a great mother! I've come to understand that being a mom is a rewarding and stressful job that I want. My mother and my Nana are two of the most amazing women and mothers I know, and I'm sure I can be just as great as they are.
I get sad and a little jealous looking at people and couples that I grew up with or went to high school with that have their own little families knowing that I am probably going to have to do it on my own. I really am fine with doing it on my own terms, since that's the way I do most everything, but that means I have to look at alternative ways to conceive. Yes, that mean going to a sperm bank, but I am willing to do that! Hell, I know that there is one in Columbus!
It's hard to explain the feeling, I know I am more ready than ever to be someones mommy. I'm ready for the spotty sleep and burp rags. The dirty diapers, scrapped knees, report cards, tears, first steps, smiles, birthdays, and holidays with a child are something I want more than anything!
Love & Logic~
Belle
I know it seems crazy to have a timeline, but I want to have a child by the time I'm 30. I don't want to run into the high risks that happen when a women reaches later ages, and I want to be reasonably young with a child.
Anymore it's hard for me to go places where there might be children, I even avoided an event this weekend with my family and friends so that I didn't have to be bombarded by the little ones.
When I see babies and little kids I get this pain in my heart. A little cuddly person who's all mine would be fantastic! I know that I would be a great mother! I've come to understand that being a mom is a rewarding and stressful job that I want. My mother and my Nana are two of the most amazing women and mothers I know, and I'm sure I can be just as great as they are.
I get sad and a little jealous looking at people and couples that I grew up with or went to high school with that have their own little families knowing that I am probably going to have to do it on my own. I really am fine with doing it on my own terms, since that's the way I do most everything, but that means I have to look at alternative ways to conceive. Yes, that mean going to a sperm bank, but I am willing to do that! Hell, I know that there is one in Columbus!
It's hard to explain the feeling, I know I am more ready than ever to be someones mommy. I'm ready for the spotty sleep and burp rags. The dirty diapers, scrapped knees, report cards, tears, first steps, smiles, birthdays, and holidays with a child are something I want more than anything!
Love & Logic~
Belle
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Strange days...
It's been a while since I've been able to think of much to write. The thing now is that there is far too much to write about. My mind is constantly full of information for the flower shop, worries about money, the lack of romantic entanglement, and the crazy lack of friends.
Now of course I am making strides in the friendship department. Reconnecting with people from my past and hopefully keeping them as my "adult" friends. One of them is an amazing woman whom I've known and admired for years. We were not terribly close when we were younger, but I think we could be great friends now. She's even convinced me to get a out of my shell, which is pretty huge, and she doesn't even know she did it! Now I, the girl who can't even look my peers in the eye is going to the movies with a group of girls. Some I know, and others I don't. But I am thankful for that. She also adopted my little Bambino, I know that he will have the best home with her amazing family.
As for the romance, well that is still majorly lacking. I did confess to one of the only people I talk to regularly that I have had a crush on him for a some time. This is after years of him flirting and all that jazz. I even suggested we go out . What a mistake! He promptly decided to go out with someone else and they seem very happy. Now, I can't begrudge someone for being happy. But I do miss our friendship now, it seems as though now that I have let him in on what I feel for him and his new found love he has no time. Of course I was hurt for a while and couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I know it was very childish to be that way, but I won't make any excuses for my feelings...they are the only thing I own.
Money? Well that seems to be a problem for not only me but hundreds of thousands of other people. I along with all of those people will no longer be receiving unemployment benefits. I just hate that I was on it this long. But what really gets me is that we are given no warning of when the money will stop. It could be today, it could be 2 weeks from now. And now is the time for me to start getting random bills, one being a bill for a semester of college at Morehead State University. I did finish one year at Morehead but I left one month in to my first semester of my second year due to medical reasons. Now the state of Kentucky is sending me bills, seriously? 8 years later?!?! And for the whole semester? Come on!!
As for Your Personal Florist, I am trying to learn as much as possible. I know almost everything when it comes to the billing and office stuff, but when it comes to the designing I'm a novice at best! I am ready and willing to learn all that there is, but at the same time I don't want to step on the toes of the girl who has worked with my mother for over a year. I know that one day the shop will be mine and I have to learn techniques so that I can be an asset to not only my mother but to myself. I need to make this work so I can feel like I am truly worth something. I'm working on it...
Love & Logic
Belle
Now of course I am making strides in the friendship department. Reconnecting with people from my past and hopefully keeping them as my "adult" friends. One of them is an amazing woman whom I've known and admired for years. We were not terribly close when we were younger, but I think we could be great friends now. She's even convinced me to get a out of my shell, which is pretty huge, and she doesn't even know she did it! Now I, the girl who can't even look my peers in the eye is going to the movies with a group of girls. Some I know, and others I don't. But I am thankful for that. She also adopted my little Bambino, I know that he will have the best home with her amazing family.
As for the romance, well that is still majorly lacking. I did confess to one of the only people I talk to regularly that I have had a crush on him for a some time. This is after years of him flirting and all that jazz. I even suggested we go out . What a mistake! He promptly decided to go out with someone else and they seem very happy. Now, I can't begrudge someone for being happy. But I do miss our friendship now, it seems as though now that I have let him in on what I feel for him and his new found love he has no time. Of course I was hurt for a while and couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I know it was very childish to be that way, but I won't make any excuses for my feelings...they are the only thing I own.
Money? Well that seems to be a problem for not only me but hundreds of thousands of other people. I along with all of those people will no longer be receiving unemployment benefits. I just hate that I was on it this long. But what really gets me is that we are given no warning of when the money will stop. It could be today, it could be 2 weeks from now. And now is the time for me to start getting random bills, one being a bill for a semester of college at Morehead State University. I did finish one year at Morehead but I left one month in to my first semester of my second year due to medical reasons. Now the state of Kentucky is sending me bills, seriously? 8 years later?!?! And for the whole semester? Come on!!
As for Your Personal Florist, I am trying to learn as much as possible. I know almost everything when it comes to the billing and office stuff, but when it comes to the designing I'm a novice at best! I am ready and willing to learn all that there is, but at the same time I don't want to step on the toes of the girl who has worked with my mother for over a year. I know that one day the shop will be mine and I have to learn techniques so that I can be an asset to not only my mother but to myself. I need to make this work so I can feel like I am truly worth something. I'm working on it...
Love & Logic
Belle
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Your Personal Florist
So mom bought the flower shop she's been working at for the last 3 years! We have been working our asses off to make the transition from the former name to the new one. We are planning on having that shop makes lots of changes to be more efficient, and if the last 2 weeks are any indication then everything is going to be just fine!
I've got a link to the Facebook page on the sidebar, we are now Your Personal Florist. I've been working on her website for the last 2 days! I'm not getting much done since it's Mother's Day week and every time I go to take a breath the phone rings. But that's all good, we want that!
On another note, my vacation was amazing! I had a great time seeing an old friend. We picked up right where we left off, which is always fantastic! We got to see lots of things and had a great time just hanging out. I can't wait until she moves to Italy so I can visit her there! :)
Love & Logic
Belle
I've got a link to the Facebook page on the sidebar, we are now Your Personal Florist. I've been working on her website for the last 2 days! I'm not getting much done since it's Mother's Day week and every time I go to take a breath the phone rings. But that's all good, we want that!
On another note, my vacation was amazing! I had a great time seeing an old friend. We picked up right where we left off, which is always fantastic! We got to see lots of things and had a great time just hanging out. I can't wait until she moves to Italy so I can visit her there! :)
Love & Logic
Belle
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